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It is a privilege to gather in this celebration of the family. I am,
however, a curious choice to introduce this session. I am not married and
have not had the privilege of bearing children—which are, candidly, the
heartbreaks of my life. This isn't by choice. My dream was to marry and have
a house full of children. The answer to why I haven't yet married is simple:
No one has ever asked me. So you may wonder, Why am I here, and why do I
care so much about the family?
I care in part, precisely because I
haven't yet been blessed with a husband or family of my own. I know
firsthand that the passage in Genesis is true: It is not good for man or
woman to be alone.1 This is not just good theology, it's terrific
sociology.2 As grateful as I am for many things, I am painfully
aware that I am not complete without a faithful husband.
Everything I have experienced, everything I have observed, and every deep
conviction I have points to a profound truth: that marriage is sacred and
was ordained by God, and that when He created the first man and woman and
commanded them to procreate, He established His
pattern for the family. I believe that is why the family unit forms the very
bedrock of society.
We all know that every nation is ultimately at the mercy of its families.
If families are riddled with problems, society eventually collapses under
the weight of problems too vast for any government to meet. If families are
strong, society is strong. I'll never forget meeting a group of young adults
in southeast Asia. They were bright, talented, and eager to move forward
with their lives. But they lamented not having parents to give them
direction and feeling somewhat alone in life. All but a few had been
orphaned by war.
In contrast, I met a strong family in Brazil. The grandfather had worked
multiple jobs so that his son could go to college. That son became a
respected educator. Now his children are highly educated, fluent in multiple
languages, and raising families of their own. When I complimented him on his
children, he replied, "This is the power of a family. Each generation
improves upon the last."
Healthy, thriving societies don't just materialize out of thin air. They
are built by healthy, thriving people who must be taught and nurtured
somewhere. Schools and governments can help. But no organization can raise
children as can a mother and father who love each other. Barbara Bush told a
group of U.S. college students, "Your success as a family—our success as a
society—depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens
at your house."3
Therefore, our challenge is to understand how to strengthen families. We
tend to focus on policies, legislation, and court opinions related to
family. But today I invite you to consider that the single most pervasive
threat to the stability and future of the family is sexual immorality in all
its forms. Nothing would do more to strengthen the families of
the world than a resurgence of moral virtue, particularly sexual purity.
I realize this point of view would get me laughed off most of the world's
stages. And I respect everyone's right to believe and live as they
choose. But since when has the opinion of the masses been a reliable
barometer of what is in humanity's best interests? Too many are inclined to
take the path of least resistance, which looks easier but only is at the
outset. A relative few today believe that pornography destroys marriages or
that adultery and premarital sex actually injure the family—though every
great world faith tradition decries immorality. And as a New Testament
Christian, it is impossible for me to ignore repeated warnings about the
consequences of adultery, fornication, and prostitution—just to name some of
the moral infractions identified in holy writ.
No society can be stronger than the moral fiber of its people. There is
power in virtue. Said Clare Boothe Luce: "There can be no public virtue
without private morality….And there cannot be a good society unless the
majority of individuals in it are at least trying to be good people….A
nation that is traveling the low road is a nation that is self-destructing.
It is doomed, sooner or later, to collapse from within."4
Virtue, especially moral virtue, builds strength of character. A
lack of virtue damages one's moral compass until ultimately that person
can't be trusted. Consider the adulterer. If someone can't be trusted to
honor the most sacred promise they'll ever make, who and what will they
honor? Benjamin Franklin said it well: "There was never yet a truly great
man who was not at the same time truly virtuous."5
The Apostle Paul counseled Timothy, "Keep thyself pure."6
Those three simple words, if heeded, would transform our world. Ironically,
today we have a global fixation on the environment but have embraced a kind
of impurity far more lethal than unclean air or water.
University of Chicago studies compiled in 2006 illuminate the problem.
Premarital sex among men and women has increased. Adultery? Increased.
Cohabitation without marriage? Increased. Number of sexual partners?
Increased. Out-of-wedlock births? Increased. Sex among teenagers? Increased.
Only one statistic decreased: the age at which youth are having sexual
relations.7
C. S. Lewis was no doubt right when he called chastity "the most
unpopular of the Christian virtues."8 Global violation of this
virtue has become its own kind of pandemic such that anyone who dares
advocate chastity risks being accused of intolerance and even fanaticism.
Yet history tells a different story. One civilization after another has
caved in under the weight of its moral debauchery. A stable society is not
likely to be destroyed unless it has weakened itself from within. Will and
Ariel Durant, who spent four decades writing an eleven-volume history of
civilization, concluded that "sex is like a river of fire that must be
banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in
chaos both the individual and the group."9 Such controls are
best provided by fidelity in marriage. Anything short of that undermines
marriage, and there is something fundamentally sick about a society where
marriage is treated as a throwaway item.
I repeat: Nothing would do more to strengthen the families of our
world than a resurgence of fundamental moral virtue, meaning sexual purity.
This is no small quest. The forces that mock morality are entrenched,
noisy, and popular. Celebrities of all stripes glamorize immorality by
flaunting their sexual escapades. Politicians lie about their adultery and
then lie about lying. In my service as a White House delegate to the
Commission on the Status of Women at the United Nations several years ago, I
experienced the wrath of delegates who were outraged at the mere suggestion
that abstinence was one solution for curbing AIDS. Indeed, it may seem
hopeless, even ridiculous—morality taken to a bizarre extreme—to advocate
purity when much of the world is in a moral freefall.
And yet, moral permissiveness does not lead to greatness. It never has,
and it never will. I have observed this firsthand. We lost my brother at 39
to a heart attack, leaving a wife and three children, and we later lost a
niece and nephew in a tragic accident. Our family has mourned again and
again. But I have never seen anguish or grief to compare with the night a
dear friend told his children he was leaving them because of his adultery.
His children were distraught, and the ensuing emotional upheaval affects
them to this day. Immorality exacts a very high price.
On the other hand, I have witnessed the fruits of moral virtue in the
lives of millions of people around the
world. In many cultures and lands, I have repeatedly observed that families
who are spiritually strong tend to be morally strong, and that virtuous
parents tend to raise virtuous children.
Several years ago, I participated in an international policy forum where
the discussion moved from prostitution to pornography to abortion and so on.
When the moderator invited me to comment, I noted that it seemed impossible
not to notice a common theme—that every thorny issue had immoral
underpinnings. I then told about my parents, who are devout members of our
faith, what they had taught me about marriage and chastity, and how those
teachings had governed my life. Afterwards, one woman after another pulled
me aside and said the same thing: "You are so lucky. I didn't think chastity
was even possible. I wish someone had told me this years ago—it would have
changed my life."
I personally know tens of thousands of youth and young adults who are
living morally clean lives. They are happy, productive, and anxiously
engaged in becoming engaged. Moral purity is not outdated. Admittedly, it is
also not easy. But I submit that it is easier than the alternative. Virtuous
men and women never worry about a surprise pregnancy or sexually transmitted
disease. Never agonize over confessing unfaithfulness. Have no emptiness
after a one-night stand. No pain in losing one's family to infidelity. No
haunting memories of indiscretions. Quoting C. S. Lewis, "Virtue—even
attempted virtue—brings light; indulgence brings fog."10
A virtuous life is an easier, more fulfilling life. And it is one of the
most powerful keys to strengthening families and therefore to strengthening
our world.
What then can you and I do? The story of Monsignor O'Flaherty, a
courageous Irish priest at the Vatican during World War II is inspiring.
Against astonishing odds, he saved the lives of four thousand Allied
prisoners of war. In a movie dramatizing his story, the Monsignor poses a
question to Pope Pius XII as they discuss the risks the Monsignor's actions
pose to the Vatican's political neutrality: "But what is our duty when we
come face to face with evil?"
My friends, what is our duty when faced
with today's threats to the family?
Gordon B. Hinckley said: "The challenge to recognize evil and oppose it
is one that every moral, virtuous person must accept. It all begins with our
own personal virtue. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of
self."11
You are men and women of influence. I invite you to use your influence to
embrace and champion a resurgence of virtue. The world is
filled with good people who may not know
that virtue would transform their lives and who only need to be shown the
way. If defending virtue requires sacrifice and discipline, then so be it.
We have a choice to make. We can either watch our societies crumble under
the weight of moral impurity, or we can lead out in the cause of virtue.
May we go forward, determined to make this world better by making it more
clean. May we champion virtue as a key to building strong families. God will
help us. No one cares more about our families than He does. As we honor Him
by embracing the virtue He has ordained, He will help us preserve the
foundational unit of every society, the family. Thank you.
Endnotes:
(1) See Genesis 2:18
(2) As stated by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Temple Open House Video,
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
(3) Quoted in Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for
Something, New York City: Random House, 2000, p. 146.
(4) Hall, Wynton C., Schweizer, Peter, Landmark
Speeches of the American Conservative Movement, 62.)
(5) Quoted in Thomas S. Monson, Favorite
Quotations from Thomas S. Monson, Deseret Book, 1985, p. 111.)
(6) 1 Timothy 5:22.
(7) Tom W. Smith, "American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic
Differences, and Risk Behavior," GSS Topical Report No. 25, National Opinion
Research Center, University of Chicago, updated March 2006.
(8) Mere Christianity, NYC, Harper
Collins, 1980.
(9) Will and Ariel Durant, The Lessons of
History, New York City: Simon & Schuster, pp. 35-36.
(10) Mere Christianity, p. 94.
(11) Standing for Something, p. 39.
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