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The relationship established by
the legal, social, and emotional bond between a man and a woman in marriage is
universally acknowledged as being of vital importance. This is acknowledged by
all cultures, faiths and across time, with only a very few recent exceptions.
The significance of marriage is also acknowledged by the individuals themselves,
as the marriage ceremony is usually the biggest moment in the couple’s life,
marked by the greatest gathering of friends and families that will ever take
place in their lives. Not the birth of children, or any milestone, birthday,
bar mitzvah or confirmation will ever bring so many together to celebrate an
event with such joy.
What is it about marriage that
draws so many to it – an event which governments throughout the world also greet
with much encouragement and approval?
The importance of marriage lies in
the fact that it creates a new beginning - the birth of a new family unit. It
is a public announcement that a man and a woman are committing themselves to
each other for the rest of their lives. It is the hope that their union will
bring forth children, so necessary for society’s survival. It is also the
blending of two families that henceforth will be inter-related and connected.
In short, the institution of marriage creates a family unit, which is the best
health, educational, and welfare unit ever devised by mankind, and which
actually works better than the others. It is important too, not just because
married couples care for their families, but also because they generally also
care for others who are less fortunate. The family provides most of the support
for charities and civic authorities, as families are the main source of
volunteers to assist in social and civic services. Marriage, in effect, is
necessary for the efficient functioning of society.
Marriage also serves the
all-important function of providing the ideal conditions for rearing children.
Within an intact family, children learn their gender identity and roles.
Thousands of studies have been done on children – studies in psychology, the
social sciences, economics, and medicine, and in every way, social scientists
have determined that children do far better when their parents are married and
stay married, than in any other social arrangement.
That is, there is a large body of
social research which indicates that children flourish best when reared by their
biological mothers and fathers in their intact married family.
[1]
A married mother and father typically invest more time, affection and oversight
into parenting than does a single parent and they also monitor and improve the
parenting of one another, augmenting one another’s strengths, balancing one
another’s weaknesses and reducing the risk that a child will be abused or
neglected by an exhausted or angry parent. The parents also bring different
strengths to the parenting undertaken, since the evidence indicates there are
crucial differences in parenting between mothers and fathers. Mothers generally
are more sensitive to the children’s emotional needs, whereas fathers excel in
providing discipline, ensuring safety, and challenging the children to embrace
life’s opportunities as well as difficulties.
By contrast, every major social
pathology that can trouble a child happens more often when his or her parents
are not married. The majority of these children experience more poverty and are
much more likely to experience physical and mental ill health, including
depression and suicide. Boys from fatherless households are two to three times
more likely to end up in jail as adults. Children of single parents do not do
as well in school and are more likely to drop out of school. They are also less
likely to attend university.
Also, empirical research on family
and crime strongly suggests that crime is closely linked to family structure,
which is the strongest predictor of urban violence.
[2]
Further, the family is important
because it teaches the hard truths of moral values. It forms the child’s
character and gives the young the ability to grow up to become independent,
stable, functioning, and compassionate individuals, and to be dependable and
loyal workers or independent, forward-looking entrepreneurs. Such individuals
are also much more difficult to control. As a result, such individuals and
their families tend to be regarded as a threat to totalitarian governments.
Consequently, it is not surprising
that every totalitarian movement has tried to destroy the family unit. Karl
Marx and Friedrich Engels wanted the family destroyed, as did Adolph Hitler and
Joseph Stalin. They believed the family was a dangerous threat to the power of
the State and therefore undertook to take away the rights, responsibilities and
authority of the family.
That is, the family unit, built on
the foundation of marriage between a man and a woman, is regarded as dangerous
by the totalitarian State because the family, while raising its children, also
passes on tradition, culture and faith - all of which confront the State when it
wishes to impose its own will on the public. For example, Soviet leaders in
1917 regarded the family as a hindrance in structuring the new socialist regime
and regarded it as the prime source of potential opposition to it. The
Soviets, therefore, worked toward the disintegration of the family by
transferring the care, education and maintenance of children from the family
unit to state run child care centres, entirely under the control of the regime.
This effectively ended the family’s socialization functions in Soviet society.
American sociologist, Christopher
Lasch, described the family as “a haven in a heartless world”[3],
since it is the only institution ever invented to provide children with a love
that is centered on them. All other institutions, including schools and the day
care centres, are intentionally designed to be impartial. But in order for
children’s personalities to develop in a healthy manner, it is necessary that
someone care intensely for them; so intensely as to give them priority over all
other children. It is within the family unit that this kind of intense caring
usually takes place and strong independent characteristics are encouraged. It
is these factors that cause dictators to destroy the family unit by removing
children from its care and responsibility.
Mikhail Gorbachev, in his book
Perestroika: New Thinking for our Country and the World (1988)[4]
acknowledged that the dysfunction in Soviet society, as evidenced by pervasive
alcoholism, high divorce and abortion rates, and very low birth rates etc. may
well have been caused by this separation of young children from their mothers in
their early years. We should heed his warning.
Unfortunately, however, it is not
just totalitarian governments that undermine the family, and marriage.
Democratic governments do so as well, not necessarily intentionally, but rather
with the altruistic intention of “assisting” the family.
Threats to Marriage
Marriage is weakened and serious
negative consequences to society occur as a result of policies such as no fault
divorce and the legalization of same-sex marriage. Also, the prevalence and
acceptance of unmarried co-habitation, and the rise of illegitimacy contribute
to the undermining of marriage. It is these four factors that threaten
marriage, and, as a consequence, because of their prevalence, marriage is losing
its pre-eminent status as the social institution that directs and organizes
reproduction, childbearing and adult life. Unfortunately, marriage has come,
instead, to be regarded by many as a relationship having little significance.
This trend is evident in the
Netherlands, which has allowed homosexual couples to register their partnerships
since 1997 and which legalized same-sex marriages in 2000. Cohabitation is also
an integral part of life in the Netherlands. Statistics there now show that the
out-of-wedlock birthrate has increased by an average of 2% a year – more than in
any other country in Western Europe. The number of marriages is also declining
faster in the Netherlands than in any other country in Western Europe. In other
words, the significance of marriage is markedly diminished in that country with
its high instance of cohabitation and same-sex marriages.
[5]
Sadly, it is the poor and the
minorities which pay the heaviest price when marriage declines, because they do
not have the financial means and social connections to support them when family
breakdown occurs. Marriage breakdown is undeniably the greatest cause of
poverty in society.
The Public Consequences of
Marital Breakdown
The public consequences of
marriage breakdown are that it detrimentally affects children, intensifies
pressure on the judicial system, and increases the size and scope of government
by requiring it to provide the services necessary to support the family when it
disintegrates. Countries with high rates of illegitimacy and divorce, such as
Sweden and Denmark, spend much more money on welfare expenditures, as a
percentage of the GDP, than countries with relatively low rates of illegitimacy
and divorce, such as Spain and Japan
[6].
Increases in divorce also mean that family judges and child support agencies
play a deeply intrusive role in the lives of adults and children, since they set
the terms of custody, visitation and support payments, etc. Clearly, when the
family fails to govern itself, then the government steps in to pick up the
pieces.
The school system is also
seriously affected: less and less learning takes place when schools are supposed
to take over parenting functions, i.e. breakfast programs, in addition to their
teaching function. Serious discipline problems also heavily tax public schools.
Marriage is a Public Good
Interestingly, marriage
significantly benefits both men and women in that relationship. It promotes
their physical and emotional health and provides them with longer lives, less
illness, greater happiness and lower levels of depression and substance abuse
than found in cohabiting and single adults.
[7]
Economic well-being, safety and
security, personal happiness, flourishing communities, and limited government
interference are the benefits of marriage. In a free society, a strong marriage
culture fosters liberty by encouraging adults to govern their own lives and
raise their children responsibly. A society that does not strongly support the
union of a man and woman in marriage, to the exclusion of all others, is a
society headed for ultimate breakdown.
Endnotes:
[1]
Sarantakos, S. “Children in three contexts: family, education and social
development”, Children Australia, 21 (1996), 23-31; “National Longitudinal
Survey of Children and Youth,” Statistics Canada, 1996, 1998; Pitirim
Sorokin, “The American Sex Revolution,” Porter Sargent Publisher, Boston,
1958; Affidavit of Prof. Edward Shorter, submitted in evidence by the
Attorney General of Canada in Halpern and the Attorney General of Canada
et al, (2002), O.R. (3d) (S.C.J. Div. Crt.) and the Ontario Court of
Appeal, Halpern and the Attorney General of Canada et al. (2003), 65
R. (3d.) 161
[2]
Sampson, Robert J., (1995). “Unemployment and Imbalanced Sex Ratios: Race
Specific Consequences for Family Structure and Crime.” In M.B. Tucker and
C. Mitchell-Kernan (eds.). The Decline in Marriage among African
Americans. New York: Russell Sage. P.249
[3]
Lasch, Christopher, (1995) “Haven in a Heartless World: The Family
Besieged”, W.W. Norton & Co. Inc., New York
[4]
Gorbachev, Mikhail, Perestroika: “New Thinking for Our Country and the
World”, 1988 ISBN: 0006373569
[5]
Kurtz, Stanley, “Standing Out”, National Review Online, February 23,
2006
[6]
The Witherspoon Institute, Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles,
Princeton New Jersey, pg. 24 June 2006. For family trends, see Timothy M.
Smeeding, Daniel P. Moynihan, and Lee Rainwater. 2004. “The Challenge of
Family System Changes for Research and Policy.” In D.P. Moynihan, R.M.
Smeeding, and L. Rainwater (eds.), The Future of the Family. New
York: Russell Sage. For information on state spending around the globe, see
http://www.cia.gov.cia/publications/factbook.
[7]
The Witherspoon Institute, marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles,
Princeton New Jersey, pg. 20 June 2006. Waite, Linda and Gallagher, Maggie,
“The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Healthier, Happier and
Better Off Financially”. October 9, 2001, Broadway
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