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In spite of much
rhetoric, time and money spent trying to prevent child abuse and neglect
(CAN), the best evidence shows it is a growing problem.
The exact size is uncertain because incidence depends upon
definition. The only
meaningful way to determine the amount of damage is to compare the
child’s present state to what they were designed to be.
Therefore, neglect is defined as not obtaining sufficient
nutrition, stimulations, time, information and experience etc. of the
right order, quality and duration for that child’s unique development,
i.e. not getting the materials for the blue print God gave him.
Abuse is partly destroying that wonderful castle he or she is
co-creating with God. Using a fairly standardized assessment, over a period of time
there is evidence that all forms of abuse and neglect are increasing.
There are inflated statistics about the size of sexual abuse,
partly because that pseudo evidence is used for political purposes.
OUR
RESEARCH
Child abuse and neglect is trans-generational; the probability depending
upon the type and extent. Comparing
physical, sexual and verbal abuse, verbal abuse is most likely to be
transmitted from one generation to another.[1]
Considering all three forms of abuse, the form that is most
damaging to a child’s self perception is verbal abuse.[2]
Comparing all types of abuse and neglect, research shows neglect
is more damaging than abuse.[3]
Neglect makes a child both more vulnerable and susceptible to
abuse. One severe form of neglect is not being breast fed. Human milk is
almost the only source of the essential fatty acids that are necessary
for the formation of the
white matter of a child’s brain and the myelin of his/her peripheral
nerves. If children are not
breast fed they are not as intelligent or as quick as they were designed
to be. A previous abortion
interferes with breast feeding. In
one country the percentage of women breast feeding their 1st
three pregnancies was 450% higher before the introduction of the one
child policy. (Table 1)
Children try very hard to construct the person their
Designer intended them to be. In
many families their struggle against overwhelming odds is very
persistent. When a child is
not given sufficient, good developmental materials he will scrounge,
often in the wrong places When
he is not given enough of what he needs, he has to answer the question,
“Is it because I am unlovable or because my parents aren’t
capable?” Normally the
child decides that he isn’t lovable.
Once a child feels that he isn’t worthy of good things, he
tends to fulfill his worst
expectations. This is why
neglected, starving children go to the garbage dump rather than the
homes of rich people. They
consider themselves garbage and therefore garbage is what they feel they
deserve.
In all the cases we studied, 95% of children are damaged by a combination
of one or more forms of abuse and neglect.[4] (Ref. Table 2)
For this reason, whenever you read an article purporting to
describe the effects of one type of abuse or neglect, throw it away.
It’s of no value.
The worst form of abuse and
neglect is for the child to be killed, particularly the unborn child who is
nestled quietly in the security of their mother’s uterus. The next most severe form of abuse and neglect to a child is
to be an abortion survivor.[5]
Children who grow up in countries where a large percentage of
children die by abortion are survivors.
Abortion survivors are also those whose parents have aborted a
sibling, those whose parents considered killing them, and those who
belong to minority groups who would usually be aborted.
They feel guilty about
existing, cannot trust
parental figures, have a perpetual sense of impending doom, do not take
advantage of their opportunities, struggle with a deep rage because they
were not welcomed even though they were wanted. They do not want
children themselves.[6] [7]
WHAT
DOESN’T WORK
1.Wanted Children
For Years it was argued that if
abortion was freely available, there would be no unwanted children.
It was assumed that unwanted children were the ones most likely
to be abused and neglected. Our evidence shows quite the contrary.[8]
It is the wanted children, those that frequently disappoint their
parents because of high expectations, that are more likely to be abused.
Wanted children try to live up to other people’s expectations.
They try to be the person their parents want them to be.
It is hard for them to be themselves. Our study shows that, as
the rates of abortion increased in a country, so did the rates of child
abuse.[9] Our
evidence shows that mothers who have had a previous pregnancy loss,
particularly abortion, are less likely to bond to their children.
Parents not bonded to their children are more likely to abuse and
neglect them.[10]
2. Punishment
When somebody who has
sexually molested a child is placed in prison, they lose their job,
reputation, family, freedom and dignity.
They come out of prison hard and angry.
They are a greater threat to those who insisted they were
imprisoned. Punishment doesn’t work, but reconciliation does.
3.Scewed Politics
Some people are using the
growing concerns regarding child abuse as an opportunity to make
increasingly large numbers of people see themselves as victims who
“have a right” to feel sorry for themselves.
Beware when people make you feel sorry for yourself. They are
likely to use you in their political campaign to get power for
themselves at your expense. It is unfortunate that there is relatively little research on
the effect of child neglect. While
socialist countries were enacting laws to encourage women to stay at
home, western countries were using legislating, eg. Affirmative Action,
to encourage women to be in the work place.
Our forebearers were not stupid. They realized that men make very
poor mothers and that mothers and children must have a time of quiet
security to begin the essential process of developing. Men were
given a sop, titles and better pay to make sure they provided for the
mother and child.
ESSENTIALS
TO PREVENT CHILD ABUSE
-
Mature Parents - Mature parents come from well nurtured, guided
and challenged children who have done their best to tackle some of the
world’s problems and who found a mate who was similarly inclined.
-
Well Bonded and Committed Mates - Young people should be
encouraged and guided in their mate selection. They should make a public
commitment, eg. betrothal, then fall in love, then be married by God, eg.
consummated, and then that marriage should be celebrated.
-
Crisis Pregnancy - People are unlikely to change except in
crisis. To be able to know
and welcome a baby, the mother and father must change. Therefore every
pregnancy should be a crisis that promotes a whole series of
developmental challenges.
-
The Child Should Not Be Wanted But Welcomed - Jesus said,
“Welcome child in my name, because when you welcome a child in my name
you welcome me, and when you welcome me, you welcome the Father.” When
you welcome the Father, you welcome the resources of the universe.
With our limitless God, there are abundant resources for every
child. There is no evidence
of overpopulation. The best evidence shows there is a population crisis
created by an exponential decline.
MATURE
PARENTS
-
Mature parents have
discovered who they were designed to be and are making every effort to
pursue their unique maturity. Mature
parents recognize their blueprint, having responded to inner strivings
and the prompting of God’s Spirit.
-
They have been welcomed
by their family, church and society.
They know their life is on loan.
-
They have discovered
each of their children’s unique blueprint, helped them meet their
needs and protected them
from abuse.
-
They provide a model
for their children of worship, showing the uniqueness, vitality and
utility of their faith in God.
-
They model a ministry,
tackling problems bigger than themselves, that make them mature.
-
Good parents
avoid confusing a child’s blueprint with their own.
They allow the child to show them what he/she needs.
They don’t clutter his/her mind with formal education, but
provide them an opportunity to pursue their curiosity and communicate
his/her insights.
TO STOP
TRAGIC HISTORY OF ABUSE, NEGLECT OR ABORTION FROM REPEATING ITSELF
Damaged parents:
-
have gained insight
from their past and understand how they contribute to the re-enactment
of tragic triangles because of their unresolved key conflicts.
-
have discarded false
faces, dancer and urchin.[11]
They have defined and asserted
their authentic self, their pilgrim.
-
have grieved the loss
of the person they should have become. (PISHB)
-
are able to bond to
their children because they have completely grieved previous losses.
Abortion is the most difficult grief because: a) mother and
father don’t see or hold the dead baby, b) parents have dehumanized
the baby, c) they have contributed to the death of the person they now
grieve, d) they were not encouraged to talk about their loss with
friends and family, e) they are mislead by professionals into thinking
the root of their problem is something else eg. depression.
-
are able to model a
ministry tackling problems bigger than themselves that make them mature.
-
when having contributed
to an abortion are able to talk with their surviving children.[12]
This
will include; a) helping them identify and describe the child, b)
acknowledging their contribution to the death of a pre-born child, c)
recognizing the harm they have done to their surviving children, d)
sincerely apologizing, e) promising never to do it again, f) showing
that they are changing, g) demonstrating God’s forgiveness h) doing
their best to compensate their injured children. When the parents have done this, the parent child
relationship changes from distrust to trust, from pseudo-secrets to
honesty, from resentment to forgiveness, from alienation to bonding.
Children then know that, if parents can talk about their
abortion, they can talk about anything, if the parents can be forgiven
for killing a child, God will forgive them for anything.
SUMMARY
The first command in the Bible is to be fruitful
and multiply. God did not
rescind that command. There
has never been a time in all of history when parents could spend more
time and energy with their children, yet so many factors and forces are
encouraging them to be self indulgent. But you cannot benefit at the
expense of your neighbour. If
it is not good for your neighbour, it is not good for you.
If it is not good for children, it cannot be good for adults.[13] Christ’s law of love always applies. Like gravity, it is a law you cannot break.
When you love your children, you are loving yourself. Love is
meeting someone’s needs. Needs
are definable. Obeying Christ’s command to love is good for you and
your smallest neighbour. Abortion
is the largest contributor to the death and mistreatment of subsequent
children. Love will prevent
Child Abuse and neglect.
References:
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