Glen C. Griffin, M.D.

It’s an honor to be here with you, representing the American Family League at a time when time-tested values are ignored and marriage has become the unspoken “m-word.” I think you would be impressed with the 33,000 Brigham Young University students who agree to live a strict honor code that includes no alcohol, no tobacco, no drugs, and no sex outside of marriage.

Our children are precious. I’m sure you are working hard to teach your children about life, about what’s right and what’s wrong—and that all their choices have consequences. But while you are teaching your children these time-tested values, I’m very concerned about what others are teaching them. Never before has so much information been so available to so many. We are overwhelmed with information on radio, television, the Internet, and in newspapers, magazines, and books. I’m sure you’ve noticed that not all this information is correct.

When I was a student my biology book said each human cell has 48-chromasomes. Years later experts found there are only 46-chromasomes per cell—unless something goes wrong and there are 47 chromosomes causing something like Down’s Syndrome. Since then, it has become more and more clear that many things we read and hear are wrong. Some misinformation comes from ignorance or honest mistakes, but some is wrong on purpose—dishonesty, lies, disinformation. Sometimes people are so anxious to publish things that their work is filled with flaws and the “study of the week” you hear about contradicts what last week’s “study” seemed to prove.

Newsmakers and politicians do surveys and polls with questions crafted to get results that will convince the public about things they want to happen. And many reports about health and science are just plain wrong. The journal of the American Psychological Association recently published a bogus article that made it seem sexual abuse of children doesn’t cause lasting damage! This is blatantly untrue. This study is junk science. Pedophilia is unconscionable. It is wrong.

In the musical, The King & I, the funny bald-headed king sings these words as he tries to figure out what is true and what is not:

“In my head are many facts of which I wish I was more certain I was sure.”
“There are times I almost think I am not sure of what I absolutely know.”

We may be like this king from time to time—because something may seem like a fact, look like a fact, act like a fact, but in fact—not be a fact. When I was editor in chief of a major medical journal and now of MARRIAGE & FAMILIES, I rely heavily on:

• editorial boards of the best experts I can find

• “Credible data will always support time-tested values.”

• If “research” or an “expert’s” information is contrary to time-tested values, something is wrong with the information—not the time-tested values.

Two major misinformation messages are being poured into kids’ heads that are a big concern:

1. There isn’t such a thing as right or wrong—so make up your own rules

2. Sex is a game that’s OK for you to play “as long as you use a condom” – (and we expect you to)

Besides being morally and spiritually wrong, the safe or safer-sex condom strategy is also seriously wrong medically. Even so, children are receiving misinformation about sex from three different directions—sadly from some who should be on our side in helping us teach kids that sex is only for marriage:

1. The first is from the immoral example of prominent sport heroes, entertainment stars, royalty, and the President of the United States whose scandalous behavior taught kids:

• It’s OK to play around with sex

• Everyone does it

• Some sex isn’t sex

• Lying is the way out

Recently when junior high students were caught performing the same sex acts our president did—they gave the predictable excuse, “But the president did it.” Images of this gross behavior has permanently contaminated our minds. Try to get this filth out of your mind. It’s like trying to remove black ink spilled on a white carpet.

2. Young people are also getting misinformation from schools, teachers, textbooks, medical and educational organizations and so-called experts in public health and other government agencies. Let’s look at a few examples:

• The Sexuality Information Council of the United States (SIECUS) is not a government agency—but has become the self-proclaimed authority on sex education in our country—and their kind of sex education is in most schools in our country. I think you will be shocked at these and other guidelines SIECUS advocates:

  • At age 5, children should be taught about the joys of masturbation

  • At age 9, children should be taught there are many ways—such as mutual masturbation and oral sex—to give and receive sexual pleasure

  • At age 12, children should be taught they can buy contraceptives in drug and grocery stores without a prescription

  • At age 16, children should be taught they can use erotic photographs or literature to enhance their sexual fantasies when alone or with a partner

SIECUS is very critical of those of us who teach kids to wait for sex till marriage. And don’t be fooled by the SIECUS term, “Abstinence Based” sex education which means abstinence will be mentioned briefly, dismissed as unreal, quickly turning to instructions about using condoms and pills. When you want a program to teach kids to wait for sex till marriage, be sure it’s “abstinence only.”

SIECUS has been influential, along with the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in enacting legislation in many of our states so children can be given birth control—and can have abortions without the knowledge or consent of their parents. This is terrible.

• Our government has sponsored a massive campaign for condoms—including “educational programs,” pamphlets, and clever radio and television spots. Now, let’s talk about condoms…

• About 16% of girls relying on condoms to protect against pregnancy will be pregnant in a year—even though a girl can get pregnant only a few days a month. But they can get AIDS, genital herpes, Chlamydia, and other sexually transmitted disease every day of the month.

• And Condoms don’t do a good job of protecting against many of the sexually transmitted diseases including Chlamydia—that causes abdominal pain, pelvic inflammatory disease, and sterility. And Chlamydia is getting more and more difficult to treat.

• Condoms give poor protection against the incurable Human Papilloma Virus (HPV or venereal warts) which causes most cervical cancer.

• Likewise condoms give poor protection against genital herpes. Although medicines can help control genital herpes, no medicine can cure either genital herpes. Even so, kids are being told that if they can’t wait for sex till marriage to use a condom. This is like telling kids never to steal a car, but if they do to wear a seat belt.

• We have an explosive epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and instead of teaching kids about waiting till marriage, flawed programs encourage kids to play around with sex.

• This textbook for college health classes assumes students are going to have sex. In the discussion about condoms, nothing is said about how poorly they protect against Chlamydia, HPV, genital herpes. But 1/3 page is devoted to “spreading the message” about condoms. The section about gays and lesbians includes this photo of a “coming out” with a caption saying it takes courage to make one’s sexual orientation known.

• That was college. This popular book for young children—endorsed by a well-known national columnist—and available in schools and libraries across our country—gives the same messages. Illustrations like this put sexually stimulating ideas in the minds of children and show how to put on a condom and how to masturbate. If there could be a worse book for kids about sex, this is it…

• It makes a mockery of virginity

• The book is filled with little vignettes – quotes of first hand experiences of teenagers telling about “The first time I was getting ready to take my clothes off in front of a boy, I was a little nervous…”  Another girl told about her first sex being a little embarrassing but then said, “but now it’s so neat”

• You can imagine the quotes about oral sex, contraceptives, first lesbian sex, etc. Well, no, I don’t think you can imagine how bad they are.

THIS IS GARBAGE – If these things are not taught in your schools, you are very fortunate. Don’t let it happen. Besides children being taught this misinformation, hundreds of schools in the United States have school clinics that provide “reproductive services.”

When I visited the school clinic in the Forrest Heights Jr. High in Littlerock, Arkansas, the school nurse told me that they give the girls a choice between condoms, birth control pills and a five-year contraceptive implant shot. These are 12 and 13-year old children!  Even the kids who choose condoms are at high risk. “But what about the ones who choose the pill” I asked the nurse—pointing out the pill offers no protection against any sexually transmitted disease, and that AIDS is a 100% killer. “We try to get them to use condoms too,” she told me—as did Joycelin Elders, who later became the Surgeon General of the United States. But only 3 to 5% of kids on the pill use condoms. It seems this strategy is to prevent pregnancies—with little regard about the children or other consequences.

The school clinic I visited in Littlerock’s Central High was even worse. It was a friendly gathering place for students—with large condom posters on the wall—and exam tables with stirrups so the girls could have pelvic exams performed right there in school—of course without the knowledge or permission of parents.

While in the school clinic waiting room, I picked up and read this little comic book. The book begins with Andrea asking Lisa if her boyfriend uses a rubber when they have sex. Lisa says no because she is on the pill. The story goes on and a fairy god-sister appears and convinces Lisa to be sure Billy wears a condom when they have sex.

In the Minnesota school clinic I visited, kids had to have parental permission for a throat culture—but not for a pelvic exam or contraceptives. Almost everyone agrees it’s unwise to “enable” kids to use drugs or alcohol. But giving kids condoms and pills “enables” them to play around with sex. Children may not always follow our advice—but we should never give them our permission to do self destructive things.

3. The third source of sexual misinformation is television, movies, & pornography.

Children learn much about life, and what is acceptable, from people they see every day on television and in the movies. As children, and grown-ups watch regular sitcoms on television, the characters soon seem to become acquaintances—and are often thought of as friends. They are almost as real as the people who live next door. This was good when these sitcoms portrayed happy families learning from consequences for mistakes and how to solve problems. But there are not many such programs on today.

Michael Medved, a well-known author and radio talk-show host, asks: “What would a Martian think our society was like if he came to earth and got most of his information from watching our [American] television?”

“A Martian learning about our culture from [American] television would think that 98 percent of sex occurs between people who are not married to each other, people are preoccupied with sex and violence, most people are divorced, and almost all families are dysfunctional.”

What he said next was really frightening: “Our children are like little Martians,” soaking up these things like it is normal behavior. But it isn’t. There are many broken families and many have sex without marriage. But as bad as things are, most families are not dysfunctional. Most husbands and wives are not unfaithful. Most marriages do work.

In a lifetime a child watches more hours of television than he or she spends in school. And make no mistake about it—what kids see does influence their behavior. Everything we see, including steamy bedroom scenes in movies, is recorded in our brains. “I can handle it,” a teenage daughter once told me. “I’m not sure I can,” I answered her.

We watch movies to escape from our own problems for a while as we imagine being the characters in the story. You and I vicariously do everything our movie character does, good or bad. If our character is grossly violent, so are we. If our character disrobes or is involved in a passionate bedroom scene, we do it in our minds.

On the other hand, we play completely different roles in uplifting movies. The more we imagine doing things, the more likely we are to do them in real life. Let’s be careful of the roles we allow ourselves (and our children) to play, picking movies that build character, not weaken it.

But, what is a decent movie? Standards of decency on the screen have sunk to an all time low. And sadly, the movie rating system in the United States has sunk with it. Most new movies in our country have an “R” rating—mostly because of sex and nudity. It used to be that most “PG-13” movies were acceptable. Now, many PG-13 movies and some “PG” movies contain scenes and messages that are totally inappropriate for anyone of any age.

If something is garbage for an 8-year old, it’s garbage for 13-year-olds, 16-year-olds, 18-year-olds—and grown-ups too! Movie ratings today are almost worthless in determining decency.

Steamy bedroom scenes are always inappropriate—even when the on-screen sex occurs partially obscured or “under-the-covers” which the industry calls “simulated sex.” Supposedly this means it’s not that bad. But it is.

And even when non-married sex isn’t shown on-screen, it gives the message that this is acceptable behavior. It isn’t. No wonder so many teens are sleeping together. No wonder so many unmarried young adults are living together. It’s time children are taught sex is for marriage. And we must choose movies that don’t make playing around with sex seem acceptable.

You may wonder how to find any entertaining movies that meet a high standard of decency. I would like to congratulate the country of Norway for banning violent and pornographic movies. The rest of us need to make good family rules about what is allowed to come in our homes to see.

There are many old films and a few new ones that are decent. Chariots of Fire, Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken, Shadowlands, Sound of Music, and many others build character instead of destroying it. I hope you will carefully study reviews before seeing a film.

Our American Family League, has a free Web site www.moviepicks.org with suggestions for movies and videos that are entertaining and decent. They contain no on-screen sex, no “simulated sex”, and no cohabiting without marriage (without consequences), even if there is no on-screen sex.

I’d suggest that unless you know that a movie or video is entertaining and decent, don’t watch it. You can find suggestions for movies listed under: drama, comedy, musicals, real stories, Christmas, family and children—with comments about each one. Check television schedules ahead of time and make a family rule that the TV doesn’t go on unless there is something that’s decent and worthwhile.

One refreshing television series that’s on the rather small WB network is 7^th Heaven. It’s a story about a mom and dad and their 7 kids. It’s amusing. The kids sometimes make mistakes—and so do the parents. But there are learning experiences—and consequences.

The other American Family League Web site is www.principles.org where you’ll find other resources for families including suggestions how to make the Internet safer in your home.

In the spring the American Family League will present a bronze Ginny family values award to the best series on television, the best motion picture made for television, and the best movie made for the theater—if we can find one that meets our criteria of being outstanding, entertaining and decent. The producers and key actors will receive a marbleized Ginny like the one you see here.

Now, what can you and other parents do?

1. Choose good wholesome movies and television for yourselves and for your family…

2. Teach your children and teenagers:

1. sex is only for marriage but there-in can give pleasure, trust & love – which is worth waiting for

2. before marriage one does not touch anyone else’s private body parts or allow anyone to touch theirs – no touching, no taking off clothes, no sex with clothes on, not what the president did with the girl, nothing

3. condoms and pills don’t protect from many risks of sex and the condom message is a lie
   (When I do workshops with kids, I ask one of the boys to try on this gas mask. It’s not very comfortable so when I ask if he would like to go to a party down the road in a home where there’s poison gas, the answer is always “no” even before I mention that sometimes the gas mask fails. I then suggest whenever they hear a condom message to remember the gas mask because there is a 16% failure rate for those relying on condoms for safe sex in a year.)

4. the consequences of teen pregnancy – The movie “Only Once” opens the door for some excellent discussions about this

5. how to say no to sex- “Not now.” “Not in a little while.” “Not tomorrow.” “Not next week.” “Not until I’m with the person I’m married to.” “I said no and I mean it.

6. to sign a promise or contract to wait for sex until marriage—like in the “True Love Waits” and other abstinence programs

 This is a difficult time to raise children. I think you can see why I wrote in my book that the village is doing such a terrible job raising children--and why I’m convinced “It Takes a Parent(s) to Raise a Child”

There are powerful forces pulling our kids off track, like this magnet is pulling the arrow away from true north. With all that kids hear about having sex without marriage and with movies and TV showing them how—and being told in school sex is OK if they use condoms, no wonder many think sex is an afternoon parlor game. But you are the reliable compass for your children. You can help them know that sex is good and wholesome in marriage—and that anything to the contrary is counterfeit.

Your children are fortunate to have you as their mom or dad. Now go love and teach them.

Thank you.